Our 24th Rocks: from the Grand Canyon

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“Rocks from the Grand Canyon!” I cried.

As cool as it has been to get rocks from everywhere, what’s often even more cool is the way some of them have been packaged, or the way some of them are personally connected to the person who sent them or the relationship we have with them.

Jerry and I are writers. There is one particular, unfortunately very popular, writer who absolutely does what all professionals use as a gauge to tell an amateur, yet somehow this person got published and sells millions of copies.

It’s simple: there is no, or very little, use of the word said.

A typical page in one of this person’s best-selling books contains dialogue tags like this:

she exclaimed.

he returned.

she retorted.

he sighed.

she guffawed.

he ho-hummed.

…you get the idea. It’s so bad, and it’s so amateur, that it absolutely cracks the two of us up. One of our favorite pastimes, in fact, was calling each other just to read nothing but the dialogue tags on these pages. Sometimes we’d laugh so hard we couldn’t breathe.

Of course, we have both concluded the way this person got a start was probably by sleeping with somebody. Honestly, any manuscript full of stuff like that usually gets laughed out of the park. And we’re talking a big house here, not a self-published or an indie house. So it really is true these people don’t care about quality, they just care about what sells (and how well they’re banged, we suppose).

Anyway…the way these rocks, which arrived on June 8, came packaged were a direct testament to this writer’s…work, I guess it would be called…and the special joke Jerry and I have between us. I think I had more fun with the padding than with the rocks! Thanks, Jerry and Claudia!

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The box. Jerry and Claudia had already sent rocks, so I was very surprised to get a package. “I wonder what’s inside!” I hollered.

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The small box inside of the big one. “They sent us checks!” Nathan joked.

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As padding, he tore pages out of one of the author’s novels. What’s funny about this is that the page on the top is talking about a wedding and bridesmaid. Applause! “How appropriate!” she sing-songed.

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Here’s a close-up of the page again. Upon closer inspection there is one use of the word “said.” “The author’s creativity must have been down that day,” Jerry noted.

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If you’ve read this entry, then you know what this picture is all about: the word ‘said’ is not found. “Ha!” I guffawed.

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